just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We had sex on a dog bed..
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
