epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
