and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
