a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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