i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
