Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
