There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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