Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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