I wish my penis had an off switch
I just threw up on my dentist
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
