apparently the secret to your success is patron
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
