One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
