No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
