White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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