you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
