Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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