I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
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Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
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Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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