do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
