Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
