How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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