she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
