I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
