If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
