I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
