mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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