ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
