which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
