You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
