Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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