Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I can tuck mytits in my pants
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
