She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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