i think my tv is drunk
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
