That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
