I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
