I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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