She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Your cock deserves a montage
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
