Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
