I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
