You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
