Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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