I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
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After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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