everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
