you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
