p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
