Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
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just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
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Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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