Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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