So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
