I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
third nipple confirmed
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
