I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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