if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Your dad touched me again.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
