what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
