i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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