Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
