quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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