I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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