i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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