On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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