I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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