I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
