So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
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Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
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Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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