my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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