Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
