I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I think i got beer on your cat.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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