I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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